Among recent items of interest slipping through the gaping pores of the newsroom spam filter and into my email inbox was a pitch to create a national holiday honoring the life of a legendary West Virginia-born cult figure: Bat Boy.
Not surprisingly, the pitch came from the Weekly World News, the over-the-top tabloid that announced the discovery and capture of a half-human, half-bat child in Pendleton County’s Hellhole Cavern 30 years ago.
Weekly World News, once available only at finer supermarket checkout displays everywhere, switched to online publication in 2009, occasionally resulting in having its stories taken as legitimate news accounts by those unaware of the publication’s true nature. In 2010, a satirical piece on the Los Angeles Police Department preparing to buy 10,000 jet packs for $1 billion was reported as fact by the fake news detectives at “Fox & Friends.â€
Though the Weekly World News campaign to create a national holiday for Bat Boy may be self-serving (supporters are encouraged to buy “Bat Boy-themed apparel, some of which is coincidentally available in the WWN online storeâ€) it is not without merit.
The exploits of Bat Boy inspired an award-winning off-Broadway musical and drew mentions on such television series as “The Simpsons,†“American Dad!†and “The Boys.†In the sci-fi movie “12 Monkeys,†the character portrayed by Bruce Willis escapes a mental facility by sneaking past a guard who is conspicuously distracted by reading a Weekly World News Bat Boy cover story.
Since his discovery, Bat Boy has kept the imaginative reporting staff at Weekly World News busy. He has led police on a three-state, high-speed chase in a stolen Mini Cooper, had meetings with Elvis and George W. Bush, fought with the Marines in Afghanistan, led U.S. Army troops to Saddam Hussein’s hiding place in Iraq and saved Washington, D.C., from a dirty bomb attack.
Between such exploits, the West Virginia-born cryptid has been romantically linked with a diverse assortment of celebrities ranging from Jennifer Lopez to Kim Kardashian and Jeane Kirkpatrick to Taylor Swift.
According to the online tabloid, “there are growing rumors†of a Bat Boy presidential bid in 2024, under the healing and unifying theme of his “Right-Wing Plus Left Wing†party.
I think a weary nation might be ready for the change.
As for making June 23 a national holiday in recognition of Bat Boy’s discovery 30 years ago, I say why not.
The holiday should be at least as exciting as one currently being observed on that date: National Hydration Day.
So, until the new holiday is official, those in favor of National Bat Boy Day are encouraged to honor the existing holiday and hold their water.
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