(Family Features) When someone you know loses a loved one, finding the right words can be difficult. A bit of compassion goes a long way and knowing the right thing to say matters.
According to funeral professionals who guide families through loss daily, the approach matters.
“Just know we are here to walk with you every step,†funeral director Randy Anderson said.
Here are five thoughtful things to say when someone dies, based on insights from spokespeople from the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), which represents funeral directors who support families every day during the grieving process:
- “I’m here for you.â€
Offering your presence, whether to listen, help with daily tasks or just sit quietly, lets the grieving person know they are not alone.
“I let them know I am here to listen,†funeral director Allyse Worland said. “Do more listening and less talking. I am still here for you, even after the service.â€
- “Tell me about your loved one.â€
Inviting stories and memories honors the deceased and helps keep their spirit alive
“Tell me about your loved one,†funeral director Stephen Kemp said. “What made them special? Positive stories are always helpful.â€
- “What can I do to support you right now?â€
Rather than a vague “let me know if you need anything,†this question encourages specific offers of help, which can be easier for someone in grief to accept.
“Offer actual support instead of just saying ‘sorry’ or ‘thoughts and prayers,’†Worland said.
- “It’s OK to feel whatever you’re feeling.â€
Grief is a uniquely personal experience that can evoke a range of emotions. Validating those feelings removes pressure to “be strong†or “move on†too quickly.
“Sometimes you don’t have to say anything,†funeral director Camelia Clarke said. “A hug or touch says it all.
- “I don’t have the words, but I am here for you.â€
Sometimes, words fall short. Acknowledging this honestly while offering your presence can be deeply comforting.
“Your presence and ear are what they need,†Kemp said.
Funeral directors caution against common but unhelpful phrases such as “They’re in a better place†or “At least they lived a long life,†which may unintentionally minimize the bereaved’s pain.
“Less is more,†funeral director Daniel Ford said. “Sometimes, a ‘hi’ and a hug or handshake is enough.
Families and friends leaning on the expertise of funeral professionals who guide families through planning meaningful services and providing ongoing grief support is encouraged by the NFDA.
“We are here to help you every step of the way,†funeral director Chris Robinson said. “It’s a hard time for you, and we will help you through it.â€
Offering free resources, Remembering A Life helps families honor their loved ones and navigate grief. These include planning guides, grief support tools, creative activities and checklists.
For example, the planning guide helps families organize a meaningful tribute, whether traditional or smaller memorial gatherings, even if delayed due to circumstances like the COVID-19 pandemic. The initiative also offers free printable resources such as “30 Simple Ways to Remember a Loved One†and therapeutic coloring sheets designed to support the grief journey.
“Sometimes, just being present and listening is the most powerful support you can offer,†Worland said. “Our role as funeral directors is to help families find comfort and meaning during one of life’s most difficult times.â€
Visit RememberingALife.com to learn more about how to support a grieving person and access additional resources.
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock
