Blue Christmas services: The holidays are not always the most wonderful time of the year

Emotional distress is most acute from losing a loved one. But loss can take many forms. It could be a health issue, a divorce or a job situation. Whatever the cause, the end result is that what was once a happy time spent with family and friends becomes an ordeal — something to get through, not enjoy.

Many liturgical churches today recognize the burden this places on people. With this in mind, some churches host a service they call Blue Christmas (also called the Longest Night). These are simple gatherings of reflection and contemplation to offer comfort to those experiencing sadness and grief.

Blue Christmas services are usually held on or around the winter solstice — the longest night of the year, a time to embrace the darkness, but with the hope that light will come.

Candles and reflections

The Rev. Jay Parkins of Christ Church United Methodist in ÂÒÂ×ÄÚÉä was planning such a service earlier this week.

“We promote it for folks who are struggling this year and having a tough Christmas,� Parkins said. “We want it to be a time to come together without the pressures of feeling all joyful and excited. That’s not always where we are. I lost my sister-in-law a few weeks ago, so I’m experiencing loss along with my parishioners. This year, Christmas isn’t going to be as joyful. There will be an empty chair.�

The service at Christ Church will be in the smaller, more intimate chapel, not the main sanctuary. Parkins said he will take an Advent wreath with four candles and light the candles. But the candles will have different meanings — he calls them “reflections� — from a regular Advent wreath.

“We will light a candle that represents our grief, a candle that represents our courage, a candle that represents our memories, and one that represents our love,� he said. “Then we light the Christ candle in the center, remembering that Christ is the center of our lives. He hears our cries and he knows what’s in our hearts, even in a time of sorrow.�

Tapered candles will be available for anyone attending. After the wreath candles are lit, anyone in attendance will be invited to take a tapered candle and light their taper in memory of a loved one — or as a reflection of whatever is on their heart.

“There will be a tray of sand, and they can come forward and place them so that the candles are standing in the sand,� Parkins said.

Following that, Communion will be offered. Christ Church has an open table, so membership is not required. “We share Communion while the candles are lit, have a prayer to close, and sing ‘Silent Night’ together,� he said. “We aren’t singing loud and holding candles up high. There’s no preaching. It’s a much more meditative time.�

After the service is done, people can stay as long as they want. “If they want to pray, or talk to us, we are there for them,� he said.

Parkins has been at Christ Church for seven years, and has held a Blue Christmas service each year. “We’ve had a lot of parishioners who lost family members this year. I just sent out letters of invitation to about 25 parishioners who I know have experienced loss,� he said.

But, he emphasized that the service is open to anyone, whether they are members or not. Average attendance to the service is 20 to 25 people. “I’ve done it for as few as eight to 10 people. I’ll do it for whoever shows up,� Parkins said.

Christ Church’s Blue Christmas service will be Tuesday, Dec. 20, at 6 p.m. The church is located at 1221 Quarrier Street.

Some churches don’t publicize services outside of their church bulletin and online resources. If you’re wondering whether a particular church is having a Blue Christmas service, the best solution is to call or contact someone from the church.

At press time, it was confirmed that St. Timothy’s in-the-Valley Episcopal Church in Putnam County will be having a Blue Christmas service Dec. 21 at 7 p.m. The church is located at 3434 Teays Valley Road (close to Valley Park).

A modern tradition

Blue Christmas is not a tradition that goes back hundreds of years. It’s a modern tradition for our fast-paced, hectic world. Here in the United States, Blue Christmas observances are most common among liturgical, mainstream Protestant churches, including Methodist, Episcopalian, Lutheran, and Presbyterian churches.

They are also popular in Canada. In “The United Church of Ours,� Ralph Milton’s best-selling book about the United Church of Canada, the country’s largest mainstream Protestant church, Milton singles out Blue Christmas for praise:

“Christmas can be a very difficult time for people who have recently lost someone close to them. It’s also for those who are dreading another Christmas alone. This service, if it is sensitive to such needs, provides a way to express some of the grief we feel, anger sometimes too, during a season when everyone is promoting joy, happiness and family warmth.�

In some urban areas, churches will cooperate on a joint service and meet in a neutral location, such as a coffeehouse. Changing the venue highlights the message that the service is also for non-churchgoers — anyone who is feeling lonely and stressed.

Other groups, such as Unitarian Universalist Congregations, focus more on the symbolism of the solstice — after the long night, the days become increasingly longer, bringing hope. These typically have a similar theme of offering people a refuge from forced holiday cheer.

The UUC of ÂÒÂ×ÄÚÉä is not having a solstice service as such, but this Sunday (Dec. 18), their regular assembly at 11 a.m. will be a “Holiday Chaos Service.â€� The congregation’s website describes it as “A special time to increase our awareness and understanding of those for whom the holidays may not be an ideal time of rejoicing, and what we can do to be more compassionate.â€�

Patty Link will be leading the service, along with her partner, Sheila Chambers. Link said the service would consist of readings, discussion, prayer, and song.

“The message is about holiday chaos, and keeping people in mind who might be having it a little rougher than we do,� Link said. “There will be a piece on people who have someone sick or ill, a piece on couples who are separated and the children have to be shared at Christmas, a piece on undocumented immigrants who get shuffled around and shipped out and separated from their families — all these things. The whole point of it is to keep our seven principles in mind, the first of which is the inherent worth and dignity of every human being.�

The holiday blues

“I’m done adulting� is a popular meme on social media — especially during the stressful holiday season. Link thinks disillusionment plays a role here.

“If you talk to health care workers in emergency rooms, they’ll tell you that there are a lot of injuries and attempted suicides over the holidays. It’s an emotional time,� Link said. “We tend to remember our childhood Christmases, and we miss that wonderment. As adults we realize that Christmas isn’t like that. Combine that with all the commercialism, and people become stressed.�

She added that the COVID-19 pandemic made things worse by making people even more isolated. “If you had goodness, and it’s been taken away from you for whatever reason, it’s really detrimental to your spirit.�

The Sunday service will be at the UUC facility at 520 Kanawha Blvd., W., and will also be streamed. Anyone who wishes can join virtually via Zoom. Go to the group’s website at uucharlestonwv.org for information on how to connect online.

Surviving the holidays doesn’t meant that problems go away. For people whose grief seems unrelenting, there are support groups. Forrest Burdette Memorial United Methodist Church in Hurricane has a grief support group that meets regularly. For more information, call the church office at 304-562-5903.

Teays Valley Church of God at Scott Depot offers GriefShare recovery seminars twice a year, with topics such as “Grief and Your Relationships,� and “Guilt and Anger.� To learn about the next session, call the church office at 304-757-9222.